An unsuccessful showdown with Picky Eater

Maybe because some people I know have read this blog and have commented that their children like vegetables (because they gave them vegetables, etc.), D. and I were inspired to make an ultimatium to Picky Eater (PE) a few nights ago.

We told her she would have to eat what was on the table or was already in the refrigerator as leftovers (which would only require warming up); we would not make her anything else. Dinner that night was tamale pie, which contained three things she doesn't like—cornbread, black beans and visible tomato chunks. We thought we might have success that night because she had been complaining how hungry she was before dinner was served.

She sat at the table and her eyes welled up. "I don't like beans," she said. We told her she would have to try at least one spoonful of the cornmeal crust and the meaty interior of the casserole before we would go to the fridge and see what we had for leftovers. We were firm but not anxious or angry. Several choking sounds later and with only half a spoonful of cornmeal successfully swallowed, she escaped to a living room chair where she puckered up and felt sorry for herself.

We tried to leave her there and told her that was it for the night since she didn't even eat a whole spoonful. But I felt terrible. This is a child who is very skinny and who has always had a problem eating anything that looks exotic or which has sauce or spread on it. She doesn't seem to have any food allergies or sensitivities (except maybe to red dye, which we avoid), so I don't think that she is subconsciously avoiding food that would make her sick. I tried not to chide or bother her, though at one point I reminded her that in the Little House books they ate cornmeal mush every night.

I asked her to go ahead and finish her homework, without her having eaten any dinner. It was a pitiful scene. If it had all been put-on (as in a spoiled kid wanting three desserts and nothing else), I probably wouldn't have felt so bad. Finally I asked her if she would like some sushi rice, which was in the refrigerator, cooked a couple of days before. She brightened up and said yes. Without telling her beforehand, I threw in three Trader Joe's chicken potstickers. This was met with authentic joy when it was set on the table. I added carrot sticks and a glass of milk, and she ate everything up.

That was it, I didn't give her a dessert. Still, I have a little bit of doubt whether I was a bad parent for having given in, especially since we'd already issued the ultimatium. She is one of the nicest kids I've ever been around, so I don't think an occasional give-in like this one is going to make her a spoiled brat. I know that some parents would condemn me for the give-in (especially the kind who insist that they potty-trained their kids by their second birthday and never fix anything separate for their kids, etc.). Maybe the problem is in issuing an ultimatium in the first place, in a circumstance in which it probably wasn't going to be successful.